A Brief History of How I Know...

Craig Alan Stewart A.K.A. Crag, Cragster, Kig or Kiggy

I first met Craig when I was born. I have little memory of the actual event but I believe it went something like this...

November 23rd 1984 I surfed out of mothers uterus on a shiny placenta through some sort of wormhole as mother does not have a vagina, it healed over shortly after Craig and I were conceived. We were conceived at exactly the same time as mother and father have only ever engaged in intercourse once, though we were delivered approximately 2 years apart, hence the wormhole. I landed in Craig's arms at which moment he announced that he would take on the role of "big-brother", and he has maintained said role ever since.

Some facts about Craig:

• Craig is still in denial about the fact that he is most definitely going bald

• Craig still owes me a bottle of Jack Daniels

• Craig has a birth mark that is exactly the same size as his body and resembles himself

• All of Craig's friends know me only as "Craig's Brother"

To sum up my relationship with Craig, I once had a dream within which I was rewarded for some sporting feat with and large box of cream eggs, knowing these eggs would not be safe from Craig's greedy ways I hid them on top of a wardrobe. I returned four days later, with a particular craving for cream eggs, to discover all eggs had been devoured. I confronted both Craig and mother who insisted that I was making a fuss about nothing. I'm yet to forgive him. Craig suffered from selfish-bastard disorder up until the age of 22, though I do recall an instance in which he a displayed an overwhelming act of generosity when sharing a pair of mammaries with myself.

Craig and I have always been best friends, I only ever tried to gouge out his eyes with a dart once.

Craig was kind enough to donate a small portion of his hard earned money to me which will go towards hoes and herbs. In return he has received the above feature on my blog, a privilege indeed. You too could have your own feature blog-readers, simply hit the "donate" button!